The Sun
- Catherine Liu
- Dec 2, 2022
- 2 min read
Losing your identity because your life orbits around someone else.
You were
the sun.
I meanwhile, one of the many sunflowers rotating to catch your glorious beams. Perpetually reaching towards you, never breaching your concrete veneer.
Back then, all I felt was warmth, warmth echoing all around my body. I was safe, sheltered because I had you- or at least a perfect vision of you. How could I ever ask for anything more?
Disillusionment snuck up on me as quietly and stealthily as the first yellowing leaves of autumn. The stem begins to darken, growing to the color of rust. The leaf is caught unaware until the edges begin to furl, curling inwards. It’s too late then. Then the leaf is falling, falling, falling… and I’m falling too, into an oblivion of uncertainty. Blindly grasping for the sun, at the empty air as it whips past my ear, at a whisper of the past to restore the universe’s balance.
Everything changes in a second. The world is turned on an axis and suddenly I can’t see straight. Everything is twisted and warped like a sick game. Life as I knew it is gone and you have squeezed the last breath of air and belief out of my lungs.
Shockwaves ricochet outwards from the site of impact. Pain splinters across my skull. I wrench my head away from the blatant lies. Could we go back to the old times if I could convince myself to believe your lies again? Could I return to a state of blissful unknowing? So many questions that always, ultimately lead back to “who are you?” and “who am I?”.
Did you construct a beautified mask behind which you hid that horrid rotting mass crawling with worms? Or had I been the one that had sculpted that mask, intention in my every move as I chipped away at the wood? Had I painted the wood a lurid red and carefully secured it over your face to hide all the ugliness from the world and myself? Who is at fault? I’m compelled to ladle out the blame.
I have to run as far as I can before you sap every remaining essence of my soul. I hope I don’t find another sun, or worse, get lost at the crossroads and return to you.
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